{"product_id":"the-attempted-mug","title":"The \"Attempted\" Mug","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCorporate cheerleaders love encouraging people with \"If at first you don't succeed,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e try,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e try again.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\" But in an environment plagued by endless operational breakdowns,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e gross incompetence,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e and friction at every turn,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e performative optimism runs out fast.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Sometimes a project,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e process,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e or patience level collapses so dramatically that you can only marvel at the sheer technicality of the survival.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Featuring an illustration of the classic,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e unblinking side-eye paired with the ultimate dark-humor technicality—\"If at first you don't succeed...\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e it's only 'attempted' murder.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"—this mug provides a sharp,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e cathartic reality check for when workplace frustration reaches absolute critical mass.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eKeep it front and center on your desk during high-stress sprint launches, emergency crisis meetings, or budget audits, and sip hot dark roast from it while taking comfort in the legal definitions that keep everyone safely on this side of HR.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Specs (Since someone is bound to ask):\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e11oz Capacity:\u003c\/b\u003e Holds enough caffeine to keep your inner monologue strictly under control through the most infuriating team syncs.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eHigh-Quality White Ceramic:\u003c\/b\u003e Smooth, solid, and structurally far safer than acting on the impulses caused by corporate incompetence.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eMicrowave \u0026amp; Dishwasher Safe:\u003c\/b\u003e Because serving time for breakroom misconduct—or spending energy handwashing dishes—is strictly off the table.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePermanent, Vibrant Print:\u003c\/b\u003e The side-eye graphic and dark legal loophole won't fade, no matter how many times someone pushes your absolute last button.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e 96mm tall and 80mm wide. Ergonomically shaped to hold firmly while maintaining complete composure.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ePlead the fifth. Add to Cart.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Snark Attack Co.","offers":[{"title":"Ceramic Yellow","offer_id":50917276614704,"sku":"61e730d5-b6df-422b-86ac-8439a1e4c968","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Pink","offer_id":50917276647472,"sku":"b2e0c8fd-ce34-4511-b4dc-3b94d8171885","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Green","offer_id":50917276680240,"sku":"06ac0edb-19f1-4973-90c1-42eee12c164e","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Red","offer_id":50917276713008,"sku":"fca00f69-9fa6-4da1-a3c8-773048048d0d","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Black","offer_id":50917276745776,"sku":"fa8bec7d-465b-402e-a2cb-9f76ec2128b2","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Blue","offer_id":50917276778544,"sku":"926050f3-55bc-41b9-98d0-82ae758201cb","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0788\/9328\/5424\/files\/98616d25-de16-4e18-af37-3e81b49b345b.png?v=1793313745","url":"https:\/\/snarkattackco.com\/products\/the-attempted-mug","provider":"Snark Attack Co.","version":"1.0","type":"link"}