{"product_id":"the-last-words-mug","title":"The \"Last Words\" Mug","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCorporate retirement planning assumes you’ll exit the workforce peacefully after decades of dedicated service.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e But given the sheer density of unprovoked crises,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e sudden system outages,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e and jaw-dropping management decisions that occur on a daily basis,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e a heart attack induced by absolute operational absurdity seems vastly more statistically likely.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e When a colleague purges a production database without backups,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e or an executive announces a complete strategic pivot 10 minutes before a holiday weekend,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e your biological systems reach their absolute limit.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Featuring an illustration of the classic,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e unblinking side-eye paired with the ultimate prediction of your final breath—\"I'm confident my last words will be:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e 'Are you f*cking KIDDING ME?!?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e'\"—this mug provides an accurate forecast for how your corporate journey will inevitably conclude.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eKeep it front and center on your desk during unannounced crisis syncs, last-minute scope changes, or post-mortem debriefs for entirely preventable disasters, and sip hot dark roast from it while staring down the latest assault on your sanity.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Specs (Since someone is bound to ask):\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e11oz Capacity:\u003c\/b\u003e Holds enough caffeine to sustain your vital signs through moments of total, unadulterated disbelief.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eHigh-Quality White Ceramic:\u003c\/b\u003e Smooth, solid, and significantly more durable than your nervous system during a department-wide emergency.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eMicrowave \u0026amp; Dishwasher Safe:\u003c\/b\u003e Because dealing with fatal workplace absurdity—or spending energy handwashing dishes in the breakroom sink—is strictly off the table.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePermanent, Vibrant Print:\u003c\/b\u003e The side-eye graphic and inevitable final statement won't fade, no matter how many blood-pressure-spiking pings enter your inbox.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e 96mm tall and 80mm wide. Ergonomically shaped to hold firmly while processing the absolute impossible.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ePredict the end. Add to Cart.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Snark Attack Co.","offers":[{"title":"Ceramic Yellow","offer_id":50917414633520,"sku":"9bc8210d-0eaf-454c-9749-0532ce0239c2","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Pink","offer_id":50917414666288,"sku":"f18c42c3-6e3d-42bb-b395-546cf93c4940","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Green","offer_id":50917414699056,"sku":"3b7e9116-a9ff-49d4-8f8a-3dcfbe29c5e7","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Red","offer_id":50917414731824,"sku":"b89f2770-995b-4df4-81f2-7196a3ca87c4","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Black","offer_id":50917414764592,"sku":"5b5f2d23-0000-48f5-9c05-10ea2f46c520","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Blue","offer_id":50917414797360,"sku":"3edeb1b9-2bae-4d1d-bc08-73745828942f","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0788\/9328\/5424\/files\/9319731d-3172-40e3-a904-e9436d6b5679.png?v=1793319859","url":"https:\/\/snarkattackco.com\/products\/the-last-words-mug","provider":"Snark Attack Co.","version":"1.0","type":"link"}