{"product_id":"the-survival-mug","title":"The \"Survival\" Mug","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePeople love offering platitudes when you're overwhelmed—\"it gets better,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\" \"you've got this,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\" or \"everything happens for a reason.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\" Here is some actual,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e scientifically undeniable comfort.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Featuring a spiking heart monitor readout and the ultimate anti-motivational reality check—\"When life seems dangerous and unmanageable,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e just remember...\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e it is,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e and you can't survive forever.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"—this mug is dedicated to anyone who finds true peace in the complete inevitability of mortality.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSip your dark roast, stop stressing over five-year plans, and take comfort in knowing that every single meeting, bill, and existential crisis has a strict, non-negotiable expiration date.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Specs (Since someone is bound to ask):\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e11oz Capacity:\u003c\/b\u003e Holds just enough caffeine to keep that little heart trace bumping along for another workday.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eHigh-Quality White Ceramic:\u003c\/b\u003e Solid and durable—built to last significantly longer than your sense of optimism.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eMicrowave \u0026amp; Dishwasher Safe:\u003c\/b\u003e Because life is 100% fatal anyway; spending precious, limited time handwashing dishes is a terrible strategy.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePermanent, Vibrant Print:\u003c\/b\u003e The EKG readout and bleak perspective won't fade away, even as your mortal coil slowly unwinds.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e 96mm tall and 80mm wide. Perfectly sized to hold in both hands while contemplating the finite nature of existence.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eAccept the inevitable. Add to Cart.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Snark Attack Co.","offers":[{"title":"Ceramic Yellow","offer_id":50862766227504,"sku":"9d0abf65-b83e-4c01-8ec9-c998704ed5af","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Pink","offer_id":50862766260272,"sku":"30d51f7d-a213-4be9-acbf-060f85401996","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Green","offer_id":50862766293040,"sku":"900631f7-0e11-49ba-800e-dbd97c03905c","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Red","offer_id":50862766325808,"sku":"e24b11ee-c353-4fd6-8f26-8c7c79c84bd3","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Black","offer_id":50862766358576,"sku":"105ac20a-d2b8-4d84-b460-6cdc979b4862","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ceramic Blue","offer_id":50862766391344,"sku":"1e7c29b8-8f96-40e1-a791-81aac145e2f4","price":14.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0788\/9328\/5424\/files\/27ead790-2121-4425-bc77-406f105a03a8.png?v=1792975296","url":"https:\/\/snarkattackco.com\/products\/the-survival-mug","provider":"Snark Attack Co.","version":"1.0","type":"link"}