The "Cold Storage" Mug

Forget "strong, hot, and rich." Real coffee lovers—and true crime enthusiasts—know the best place for their favorite roast is sealed airtight and kept at sub-zero temperatures. Featuring a deceptively wholesome bag of coffee illustration and a sinister dark humor punchline—"I like my men like I like my coffee... ground up and in my freezer."—this mug is for anyone whose taste in humor is as dark as an unlit basement.

Sip your morning brew while re-watching your favorite murder mystery, or keep it on your desk to ensure nobody ever asks you out on a blind date again.

The Specs (Since someone is bound to ask):

• 11oz Capacity: Holds enough caffeinated fuel to keep you alert while you double-check the lock on the chest freezer.

• High-Quality White Ceramic: Solid, durable, and completely unbothered by cold shoulder reactions from your coworkers.

• Microwave & Dishwasher Safe: Because maintaining a airtight alibi is exhausting enough; you certainly shouldn't have to scrub dishes by hand.

• Permanent, Vibrant Print: The dark statement won't fade away, no matter how many times you wash the evidence.

• Dimensions: 96mm tall and 80mm wide. Compact enough to leave plenty of room on the kitchen counter for the rest of your morning routine.

Keep it cold. Add to Cart.