The "Attempted" Mug

Corporate cheerleaders love encouraging people with "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." But in an environment plagued by endless operational breakdowns, gross incompetence, and friction at every turn, performative optimism runs out fast. Sometimes a project, process, or patience level collapses so dramatically that you can only marvel at the sheer technicality of the survival. Featuring an illustration of the classic, unblinking side-eye paired with the ultimate dark-humor technicality—"If at first you don't succeed... it's only 'attempted' murder."—this mug provides a sharp, cathartic reality check for when workplace frustration reaches absolute critical mass.

Keep it front and center on your desk during high-stress sprint launches, emergency crisis meetings, or budget audits, and sip hot dark roast from it while taking comfort in the legal definitions that keep everyone safely on this side of HR.

The Specs (Since someone is bound to ask):

• 11oz Capacity: Holds enough caffeine to keep your inner monologue strictly under control through the most infuriating team syncs.

• High-Quality White Ceramic: Smooth, solid, and structurally far safer than acting on the impulses caused by corporate incompetence.

• Microwave & Dishwasher Safe: Because serving time for breakroom misconduct—or spending energy handwashing dishes—is strictly off the table.

• Permanent, Vibrant Print: The side-eye graphic and dark legal loophole won't fade, no matter how many times someone pushes your absolute last button.

• Dimensions: 96mm tall and 80mm wide. Ergonomically shaped to hold firmly while maintaining complete composure.

Plead the fifth. Add to Cart.